When our kids become teenagers,
everyone goes through a transition.
We have to come to terms with the
fact that our parenting role is
changing and our kids are trying to
make their way through the maze of
peer pressure, media influences and
more demanding school work. This
time can be fraught with conflict if
we don't take time to understand and
accept these changing times. Here
are five steps to help you get
through these years without losing
your hair or your mind.
1. Accept that the behavior you
see now will not last forever.
Teenagers often become rude and
disrespectful and develop a
"know-it-all" attitude. It's easy to
feel you've lost your easy-going,
loving child. As difficult as it is
to see your "nice little girl"
suddenly start to talk back and want
to wear provocative clothes, this is
only a phase. It doesn't mean she
has to get her way but take comfort
in knowing that this stage will not
last and as the teen years draw to a
close you'll get your child back.
2. Understand the number one need
for teens is the need to belong.
When your child becomes a teen
they will suddenly start asking for
all the latest gadgets and be part
of all the latest clothing fads.
This is absolutely natural. The most
important thing for them at this
stage of their life is to feel they
belong. They want to look and be
like everyone else. If your child
has asked to wear a certain style of
blue jean but you're trying to
convince them that "x" brand is just
as good, they won't buy it. It's not
what everyone else is wearing. If
what they're asking for is beyond
your budget, it's an opportunity to
negotiate a cost sharing
arrangement. You can say something
like: If you want those jeans, I'd
be willing to pay $50 towards them
and you can make up the rest."
3. Don't fall for the line: "I'm
the only who......"
Teens will try and convince you
that you're a mean and unreasonable
parent because you're asking them to
be home at a certain time or that
you insist on calling to make sure
where they're going has parent
supervision. Trust and know that
you're doing the right thing.
They'll thank you for it when they
grow out of their teens.
4. Don't assume because they're
teens, they no longer need you.
Teenagers will act as though they
don't care if you're home or not.
The truth is, they do want to know
they we care about them and are
interested in what's going on in
their lives. You don't want to be
intrusive but you do want to be
emotionally available at all times.
Show an interest in what interests
them.
5. Allow your teen to learn
important life lessons
We are living in a time of
"helicopter parenting". There is a
tendency for parents to over-manage
and rescue when their teens fall
behind in school, have conflicts
with peers or start to think about
their future careers. The very best
life lessons are learned when we
make "mistakes". Ask yourself if you
step back and let your teen figure
things how for herself, what is the
worst that could happen. The
majority of situations are not life
threatening. They need to know we
have confidence in them to find
their own solutions and work things
out on their own. Allow yourself to
be a guide but not an enabler.
