Parents need to be
prepared and accepting
to the fact that there's
a growing tendency for
children to manipulate
one or both parents to
get what they want. When
a child begins to say,
"Dad always lets me," or
"If mom was here she
would say it's okay,"
it's time for parents to
communicate this
tendency. Parents in
this situation can keep
their child out of the
middle by reading and
implementing some or all
of the information
presented below. It's
important that the
parent take into account
the child's age and
ability to comprehend
information presented to
him or her.
What Parents Can Do
· Sit down with your
child and let him or her
know that "once one
parent tells you what to
do, that it's
inappropriate to ask the
other parent to get a
different answer."
· Both parents (and
other adults, if
necessary) need to
communicate with each
other so that the child
is not allowed to play
one adult against the
other. Divorced parents
need to realize that
when a child is allowed
to play one parent
against the other that
the child is being
taught that it's
appropriate to use
negative manipulation to
get what he or she
wants. Children need to
hear a consistent
message from both
parents.
· Do not sent the
child to the other
parent or adult if you
are not ready to make a
decision or answer your
child. Tell them a
specific time that you
will get back to him or
her with your decision.
· If there comes a
time that you are not
sure what to tell your
child regarding the
answer to their
question, tell them that
you want to speak to the
other parent or adult
first. Tell your child
that you will get back
to them with an answer
after you have spoken to
the other parent.
· Let other adults
(teachers, relatives,
sitters, coaches etc.)
know that your child may
play adults against each
other.
· When decisions are
being made in regards to
disciplining your child
in the home,
communication between
the parents or adults
are need to take place
as soon as possible.
· Let you child know
that you are going to
communicate with the
other parents or adults.
· Parents and adults
need to know that
children (depending on
their age) may
misunderstand or take
some form of
communication out of
contexts. Check with the
other parent or adult
before drawing
conclusions. Let the
child know when he or
she has misunderstood or
taken something out of
context.
· It is becoming more
common that children
play teachers, coaches
and other adults against
one another. Tell your
child that you will
always communicate with
the other adult before
you form an opinion on
the situation.
